♫ ♫ ♫ COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS! ♫ ♫ ♫

The other day, I received the following e-mail from my cousin whose son and daughter-in-law...both...are in service to our country:

Have you ever seen one of our military walking past you and wanted to convey to them your thanks, but weren't sure how, or it felt awkward? Recently, a gentleman from Seattle created a gesture which could be used to express your thanks and has started a movement to get the word out. Please everybody take just a moment to watch...The Gratitude Campaign...and then forward it to your friends!

THEN START USING THE SIGN!



While I was on YouTube, I found the following video in the same line-up as The Gratitude Campaign...



This has been a difficult year for so many of us...death, economic woes, family hardships, illness...and, on...and, on...and, on. Yet, even as we lament the hard times, we must never lose sight of the good that is around us always and everywhere.

Both these videos started me counting my blessings:

The butterfly that greeted me as I left my home yesterday afternoon to go to work (that's it in the picture above, taken when it settled on it's purple perch).

The majesty of God in the stunning sunsets (that's a picture I took of one on the post entitled The Feast of the Transfiguration) I see each evening as I take Horseblock Road home from Auntie Dee's house after collecting the mail.

My husband and sons who stand side by side with me through the good times...and...the less than good times.

My friends who lift my spirits...even as they extend a shoulder to cry on.

Our pastor, deacon, and so many parishioners who pray for me each and every day.

My babies...you probably call them dogs :)...who greet me with unconditional love each and every time I enter the house...even if I have only been gone a moment...to get something from the car!

My cousins...with whom I have reconnected...who send me prayers, blessings, and wonderful inspiring e-mails like the one above.

The waves on the ocean that remind me of the strength and awesomeness of God.

Food on the table...and...good friends around it.

The kindness of strangers.

The excitement of the children, and the fun we had during VBS last week.

My God-given life...talents...and...gifts.

The freedoms I enjoy, in a country secured by the strength and intelligence of men and women...like my cousin's children...who sacrifice for me!

How about YOU?

Been a bad year?

So bad...that YOU haven't been able to see the good, all around YOU?

Why not take a moment...and...count YOUR blessings?

And, then...

DANCE!!!

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.~ Melodie Beattie ~

To help Veterans right here on Long Island go to: VETERANSROCK.COM

TAKING IT TO THE CROSS

There is a wonderful older gentleman in our parish, who prays the ENTIRE rosary every morning...ALL the mysteries...before he comes to open the church, and prepare for the liturgy each day. He and his wife attend the senior's club at our parish, and on Wednesday another senior club elsewhere. After the Wednesday meeting they bring bags of non perishables to the parish food pantry. They are true role models for the rest of us in our parish family.

I can't pray the WHOLE rosary every day but I do pray the mysteries that were suggested by Pope John Paul II for each day. On any given day, I am also in the middle of at least one Novena for someone's intentions, I pray the Chaplet of Saint Michael, speak to God about whatever is on my heart, close my mouth to allow my soul stirrings to speak to God directly, and of course, stop everything and listen.

LISTENING...it is the most important part of ANY relationship...and, the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!

As I was praying the Sorrowful Mysteries this morning, my heart was led to meditate on the last day of my aunt's life. I received the monthly mailing from Hospice yesterday. It seems I am right on target with my grief and mourning. Seems that even when you think you are prepared for a death, there is still some shock when it actually occurs. Then, you go into a sort of automatic pilot to get the things done that need to be done.

For me, working in the church, it was not only the ritual of my aunt's funeral and burial that I was involved in at the time, but the ritual of Easter and the Easter Sacraments, the ritual of First Holy Communion for our Level 2 boys and girls, the ritual of End-of-Year Gatherings, Meetings, and Potluck Dinners for the rest of our program, and the lesser ritual of concluding one instructional year, and preparing for the next. There wasn't a whole lot of down time.

The down time is beginning, now, and I have more time to think, question, and second guess myself. Years ago, in my other parish, I had been trained as a bereavement counselor. One of the handouts was about the stages of grief built upon the original Kubler-Ross model of 1969 but with an added dimension of hope after the pain. I googled this SEVEN step model and found that I am right on track...lucky me.

Anyway, as I was praying through the Sorrowful Mysteries this morning I flashed back to the last day of my aunt's life...Good Friday, April 10, 2009:

My older son was home from work that day, so the two of us got up early and went to the hospital. It was very fitting that it was my older son who joined my aunt and I for our last prayers together. You see, he was born on my aunt's birthday in 1986. When he was little, I would celebrate Auntie Dee's birthday and my son's together. My favorite picture is from my son's second birthday...boy, did he LOVE cars. At the time, Baskin-Robbins made a car cake. I bought two that year, one for my son and one for Auntie Dee.

Apparently, it meant a great deal to my aunt that Stephen was born on HER birthday. As I was going through papers to make sure I could keep ALL the important bills up-to-date while probate is ongoing, I found a complete set of my son's pictures from birth to high school graduation. Auntie Dee did not have a complete set of anyone else's pictures not EVEN my younger son which I HAD given to her...ONLY her great-nephew born on her birthday.

I guess I should have realized long before that how much he meant to her...after she had driven into the front of the garage (which my husband repaired) it was my older son who received the car when she gave up her license around 2002. He was too young at the time to drive because I made him wait until he turned 18 to get his license. But, when he did, it was my aunt who had given him his first car...and a sturdy one at that...which made me very happy. I NEVER want a repeat of the tragedy of my brother!

Wow, God has put a great deal on my heart to say, today...back to the last day of my aunt's life:

My son and I arrived early at the hospital. The doctor had increased the morphine and decreased the interval time so my aunt did not seem to be in as much pain as she had on Holy Thursday. I knew that the sense of hearing is the last to go so I greeted my aunt and began to tell her how sorry I was that she was suffering so very much. I told her that I loved her and that they were going to stop the antibiotics, because even in mega doses they were not strong enough to heal her. I told her it was time to look for the light (is there a light, I don't know...but I do know Jesus IS the light) and to find Jesus and let him take her in His loving arms...there she would find peace.

Overcome, I retreated to the hall just outside her door, where my son was watching and waiting, holding my pocketbook and jacket. I sobbed as quietly as I could so my aunt would not hear and then, I returned to pray with or maybe more precisely over her.

I began with the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and the Glory Be. Then, I proceeded to ask different saints to join in support of us. Because, she loved him so, and because he is the patron of a peaceful death, I asked Saint Joseph to help my aunt cross over. I then went down the line of saints that are familiar with my all too frequent requests: St. Peter (the keeper of the Keys), St. Frances Cabrini (my family's patron), St. Anthony, St. Jude (patron of lost causes), St. Therese, and on and on, down to the lesser members of the Communion of Saints: my dad (whom my aunt spoke about often with respect and admiration), my brother, my aunt's brothers, and my grandparents and hers. I asked them all to lead my aunt to heaven's gate and to stay with her and help her adjust to her new way of being.

Several times, I retreated to the hall, so my aunt would not hear my sobs. I wanted her death to go more easily than her life. Through the entire time I prayed, my aunt made little noises. I KNOW IN MY HEART, SHE HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD RIGHT TO THE VERY END. I stayed with her and prayed for hours. A little after noon, the director of hospice came to meet me and discuss my aunt's future care. She needed some papers I did not have with me and so, my son and I left to retrieve them from home.

When we returned, I mentioned to my son that the long walk to my aunt's room was like the green mile. I told him, I hoped we would find a miracle when we got to Auntie Dee's room: that she would be sitting up eating lunch, asking how her beloved cats were. This was my son's first up front and personal experience with dying. He was in a sort of shock all his own just watching and listening to everything I was praying, saying, and doing. He just looked at me...we both knew this was real life NOT a fairy tale.

When we got to the room, we could not go in right away. My aunt was being cleaned, her bowels had let go. The nurses were dressed in what I can only describe as haz-mat gear for this cleaning task. The doctor and the hospice director came to speak with my son and I in the empty room across the hall. The doctor again told me how sorry he was, but, there was no hope. We enrolled my aunt in hospice and when the nurses were done I took up my place perched on the windowsill at the foot of my aunt's bed and continued praying.

I kept telling my aunt over and over again that she would find peace in Christ's loving arms! I told her to look for my Uncle Chick whom every weekend, when he was alive, would go visit my aunt and grandfather and do chores around the house for them, when we all still lived in Queens. I told her to look for Uncle Patsy, whom I also remembered would visit as much as he could. I went down the line of her brothers, her mother, father, her grandmother, who lived with them while she was growing up. I told her to look for Whitey, the cat she had when I was a little girl and the two Gingers (yes, I know that animals do not have the same souls as humans...but, I don't know who will greet us in heaven)!

As I spoke, Auntie Dee would make noises, I would move to her side, I could tell she was trying to tell me something...but no words came out.

IT WAS HEARTBREAKING.

On Ash Wednesday, my husband and I had brought ashes to my aunt. During Lent, my husband brought communion to Auntie Dee every Saturday after the Vigil Mass. The three of us, together, began this past Lenten Season with prayer and ritual. At 2:30PM, I left my aunt's bedside because I knew there was something else I needed to do for her.

My son and I went to church for the Good Friday service and Veneration of the Cross. When it was my turn to bow before the cross to venerate, I brought this prayer to my Lord:

"Lord Jesus, I bring to the foot of Your Cross the immortal soul of my aunt, Dora Grottano. Please forgive her, her sins, grant her a more peaceful death, and welcome her into Your loving arms in Paradise."

It was the very next day at 8:34AM, as I was preparing to return to the hospital that the call came: Auntie Dee had passed peacefully, earlier that morning.


Prayers...soul stirrings...heart ramblings...this is the way we forge relationship with our Creator, His Beloved Son, and our Advocate, the Holy Spirit.


And, when we take ALL of it to the Cross, we cannot fail!


What is on YOUR heart and soul today?


What is confounding YOU in YOUR life?


What pain do YOU need to heal?


What do YOU need to take to the Cross today?

SEVEN STAGES OF GRIEF

END OF LIFE ISSUES

As many of you know, since February 14, 2008 I was the caregiver for my Auntie Dee in her battle with Stage III Vulvar Cancer. My husband, sons, and I alone cared for her since last February, 2008 (she had been diagnosed at the end of January, 2008) as she had never married and had no children of her own.

Other family members were out of the picture for many decades for one reason or another. Plenty of anger over past hurts, excuses and blame to go around as in any large, dysfunctional family.

I was not a party to any of that, but just like Christ, I am the one suffering for the sins of the multitude.

Closer family members to me, turned their backs on my aunt and I when we found out I was the executrix and beneficiary of the will.

For many years, my husband, sons, and I assisted my aunt with different chores around the house and various business matters. At one point in 1999, Auntie Dee gave me power of attorney to assist her in a personal matter. I did, put the document in my safe where my aunt asked me to store it with her sealed will; and then, between raising two boys, going back to school for my Master's Degree, and working full time, forgot about it for the next decade.

That is until a telephone call from a screaming relative had me searching my safe at 9:30 at night on the 13th of February 2008. Ah yes, there was much yelling, gnashing of teeth, poison e-mails, threats, and bad behavior by many involved.

For my part, I had 2-3 minutes of quite vociferous anger, loudly voiced and colorfully charged, on a relative's answering machine. When I calmed down, I immediately went to confession and repented. It was a bad reaction to a horrible e-mail I had received.

Funny, but everyone, from attorneys to religious, who reads that e-mail and hears of my reaction to it, agrees that the reaction was understandable, even as I still wish it had been more politely articulated.

Now, those same family members, and two others who had NOTHING to do with my aunt for decades, are trying everything they think is in their power to prolong probate, and cost me many more thousands of dollars than I have already spent in helping my aunt over this last year and a half.

I'm sure they think their tactics will bring me to my knees.

I only kneel before THE GOD...not those who believe themselves to be gods!

As they continue to dig their heels in, they are wasting time and very limited resources that are sorely needed to pay medical, reverse mortgage, and astronomical credit card debts.

My uncle's wife told me that the living room furniture and a credenza in the house were worth a fortune. The furniture is scratched and threadbare. An appraiser came in and told us that it is not worth the cost it would incur to refinish it. That credenza hasn't been in the house since the late 80's as far as I can remember. My aunt had sold it, and many other knick-knacks and furnishings after my grandfather had died, when she was no longer getting his social security money each month, and before she took out the reverse mortgage.

Something my uncle's wife or her children would have known if they had ever bothered to put the past behind them and tried to rekindle relationship there.

It was really a pleasure to hear my uncle's wife basically tell me I was less important than the furniture; even as she told me she was a good Catholic woman who goes to church every Sunday.

I told her I teach good Catholic women; and more than that, I lived the good Catholic woman's life this last year plus, through service to my aunt. The telephone call ended rather quickly after that exchange. Can you imagine that?

In the midst of this debacle, I have recently had to make some decisions with the help of a probate attorney. It is with a very heavy heart, and only after consulting clergy and attorneys, that I must have a summons served not only on the two cousins, who probably wouldn't have known my aunt if they had fallen over her; but, on my own mother.

A woman whom it seems, since she has not contacted me nor have I been allowed to contact her, under threat of an order of protection, has forgotten she has not one but TWO DAUGHTERS!

And the younger daughter, the "accident" is the one she has thrown under the bus!

ME!

The worst part of it all, is that the cancer was not what killed my aunt. She was actually doing quite well with that after two surgeries and radiation. Even going out shopping on her own on the town jitney or with my husband or I or my older son; and, ordering materials for a new kitchen floor that she intended to, and very easily could have, installed herself with minimal assistance, had she not fallen and broken her hip this past March.

Yes, that 5 year prognosis was looking pretty good, and she might still be with us today, and I would not be in the middle of this insanity, if she had not needed a hip replacement and complications arose. Even still, she rallied enough to be discharged to a rehabilitation center for physical therapy, to learn to walk again. But, then an infection took hold and in her weakened condition, things spiraled downward very quickly.

My aunt spent the entire month of March in the hospital with the hip fracture, surgery, and recuperation. She spent two more weeks in the rehab facility before I got the call early one morning that she had been rushed to the emergency room. I couldn't imagine why. When I had left her the night before she was sleeping soundly and peacefully.

I was in no way prepared for what I encountered in the last bay all the way around the half circle on the left side of that emergency room. I had been told on the telephone that Auntie Dee was unresponsive; but, I could never have been prepared for it.

She lay like a wounded bird on that hospital bed, tiny, her back arched in pain, her mouth open, moaning and gasping for air. Her eyes open but unseeing. I spoke her name and told her I was there; but she didn't seem to understand.

My younger son had gone to the hospital with me; but, I alone was allowed to see my aunt. I guess I looked like I was going to drop to the floor as I spoke to her because all of a sudden there were strong arms around me guiding me to a chair. A gentleman with the kindest eyes I had ever seen was asking me if I was okay.

What does Jesus teach us in Holy Scripture?

That we must see Him in the poor and vulnerable that we serve. Well, in this instance it was I being served and He came in the form of the janitor..the kindness of strangers!

Since February 2008, Auntie Dee and I had relied heavily on the kindness of strangers. And, I thank God for each and every one of them every single day even, as I lament the destruction of one part of my extended family.

During the entire time I was assisting my aunt over the last year plus, many times, I would say to the secretaries or volunteers who drove my aunt to appointments when I simply could not be absent from work, that I wish I had a mother to talk things over with...to ask advice...to help with the decision making.

But, that was not to be.

And, so I sought expert opinions, talked things over with my aunt explaining everything to her. All she kept saying to me was, "Rosemarie, I want to live. Help me live."

Each time, I would promise her I would. And, I really thought that we had bested the situation. We went for opinions, second opinions, I researched, called everyone I could think of and I believe in the bottom of my heart, that if she had not fallen that Auntie Dee had a good chance at the magic 94 years (the age my grandfather died), if only she hadn't have taken that one misstep that ultimately ended it all!

"If only's" like "used to be's" "...just lay on the floor 'til you sweep them away."

And then, you are faced with situations that you have to learn how to deal with in a hurry. Kidneys stop working, certain things begin to happen that can be prepared for given the right resources; and, the ability to foresee the need to study those resources before the inevitable happens.

That is why, when I saw the following link on Twitter tonight from @disability, I knew I must share it with you. It's hard to think about, but those we love are finite on this earth. When a health crisis occurs we must be ready not only for our loved ones and their comfort, but for our own well-being as we watch and help them pass from this life to the next.

Whether you are facing the situation now or not, please take a look at this information and prepare yourself. Hospice didn't have time to prepare me; because things turned so fast for Auntie Dee. And yet, if you read past posts here you will see much of what is on this link I have discussed, as it was happening with my aunt.

We don't make things easier on ourselves when we stick our heads in the sand!

I pray, you might never need to use the information listed there. But, please click on the link, gird yourself with the knowledge you may need to help your loved one pass comfortably.

More importantly, I beg you if you have hard feelings over past hurts, GO TO THE PERSON WHO HURT YOU...IF THE HURT IS SO BAD YOU CAN'T BEAR TO EVER SEE THAT PERSON AGAIN, PRAY FOR THEM AND FOR YOURSELF. DON'T LET IT FESTER FOR DECADES OR WORSE FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!

AND, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON A THIRD PARTY THROWN INTO THE MIX NOT OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. ALL YOU ARE DOING THEN IS PERPETUATING THE HURT AND SPREADING IT FURTHER.

OH, IF YOU THREATEN SOMEONE WITH AN ORDER OF PROTECTION (ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO IT IN WRITING) OVER REAL OR IMAGINED THREATS...REMEMBER, YOU JUST GAVE UP YOUR RIGHT TO COMPLAIN THAT THEY DO NOT CONTACT YOU!!

NEVER WRITE NASTY E-MAILS ON YOUR WORK ACCOUNT WITH YOUR NAME, YOUR ORGANIZATION'S NAME, AND YOUR FUNCTION BOLDLY EMBLAZONED ON THE BOTTOM...PEOPLE TEND TO SAVE THOSE.


PARENTS:

LOVE YOUR CHILDREN EQUALLY!

DO NOT TAKE SIDES!


AND, EVERYONE:

CHECK YOUR PRIORITIES:

FLESH AND BLOOD...HEARTS AND SOULS,

SHOULD ALWAYS TRUMP

NUTS AND BOLTS...DOLLARS AND CENTS!


If, in your life, they DO NOT...then, Re-Evaluate, Re-Assess, and Re-Connect with those whom you have thrown away.

In the end that is what you will be judged upon NOT credenzas, NOT bank balances, NOT control, NOT ego...but, how well you loved through the hurt, real or imagined, that you endured.

May God Bless You and Yours and Keep You Safe.

CANCER CARE: END OF LIFE ISSUES

PLEASE HELP ME FIND A GOOD HOME FOR THIS SWEET SIAMESE TWOSOME!

THIS IS GINGER. SHE IS FIVE YEARS OLD...VERY SWEET...WELL TRAINED. SHE IS ONE OF MY AUNT'S BELOVED CATS. SHE NEEDS A NEW HOME WITH HER FRIEND JIMMY. MY SON AND I ARE VERY ALLERGIC; AND, I AM WORRIED MY DOGS WILL NOT BE HAPPY IF I BRING GINGER AND JIMMY TO MY HOUSE. THEY ARE THE SWEETEST TWOSOME I HAVE EVER SEEN. SHE IS A CHOCOLATE SIAMESE AND HE IS A SILVER POINT SIAMESE.



THIS IS JIMMY...HE IS FIVE YEARS OLD, TOO. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW CAN GIVE THESE LITTLE SWEETHEARTS A GOOD HOME PLEASE LET ME KNOW. THEY HAVE LIVED TOGETHER THEIR ENTIRE LIVES AND MUST STAY TOGETHER. THEY ARE INDOOR ONLY PETS. PLEASE HELP ME FIND A GOOD HOME FOR THEM...I PROMISED AUNTIE DEE I WOULD!!